kaptainkroshay

Oh how I wish I could be posting that my lower abs are all rock hard and sexy....alas....they are not.  Well, rock hard anyway.....sexy?  I guess that is left to interpretation.  lol!

In the continuing sage of the pain I have been dealing with for years, I went and talked to my regular OB/GYN about the fibroids.  She could not bring up the CT image from last year, so sent me for an ultra sound.  There was good and bad news from those results.  The good news is, it's not the fibroids causing problems.  I have just ONE fibroid, and it is only 1.5 cm in size.  It's not doing anything to me, so, I'm not going to do anything to it.  The bad news is,....that would have been a simpler solution (I think) to the pain in my pelvis.  I'm still quite sure though that the stone is in my bladder and not my kidney.  The solution for the stone in the bladder is actually a bit simpler than if it's still in the kidney.  But there is lies part of a problem.  My urologist said, in an e-mail to me, that in the most recent x-ray, he said there was a gas bubble in the way, but the stone appeared to be the same size and in the same place as it was in the previous image.  So, he scheduled me for uretoscopic laser treatment.  (Asteroids in my kidney) BUT...according tot he comments he wrote on my file, he does not "appreciate a stone" where it had been.  He thinks that what is there is actually soft tissue (I guess he means scar tissue from the stone and treatments...though not sure) and that he sees a calcification in the pelvic region, but attributes that to the fibroids.  So....it sounds to me like...he doesn't think the stone is there....but is willing to knock me out, put a tube down my throat and invade my urinary system with scopes, and cameras and lasers....to shut me up?  I'm pissed, but giving him benefit, that I am misinterpreting his statements or intentions.  I asked about another x-ray prior to my pre-op on Friday (during which I will see a different urologist).  I mentioned to him that I thought I might have passed the stone into my bladder and that it is floating around in there and irritating things immensely.  If that is the case, IF the stone is in my bladder, it seems that internal laser treatment is NOT an option.  I am guessing the walls of the bladder are more susceptible to damage from a laser than the dense tissue of a kidney.  We can do Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lithotripsy, go in through the urethra and grab it out, or hope that I pee it out.  Not sure the pee it out option is working, though I will be increasing my water intake to hopefully flush the f*cker out.  (oops frustration showed a bit there)  Which by the way, if given the option, I will be asking for grabbing it out.....just get it over with....I have been having pain for YEARS, and now I know it has been this damn stone all along....just.....I am DONE.  Will hopefully remember to post again after my appointment on Friday....

So recently, a friend found out that she has a cyst on one of her ovaries.  Her symptoms were similar to mine, so I made an 'urgent concern' appointment with OB/GYN to have myself checked out.  Since I am old (40) and over weight (obese) and have heavy periods (gross) the doc decided to do a biopsy of my uterine lining.  Let me tell  you, that is NOT comfortable.  But the doctor also told me that while looking over my medical chart, he noticed I had had a CT scan last year.  That was for diagnosing the robin egg sized collection of calcium in my kidney.  Apparently, in that same scan, my uterus was imaged, and he noticed I have fibroids.  Solid masses in, on or around my uterus.  He didn't clarify where, or how many, or how big.  But, he went on to explain the different procedures and treatments that could be done to help with the heavy monthly bleeding.  Everything from mild doses of estrogen daily, to monthly shots, to a D&C to hysterectomy.  Pretty sure I'm not really ready for menopause, even though I am SO over my regular visits from Aunt Flo. He did not really talk about the treatment or removal of the fibroids though.  So, I plan on sending word to my regular OB/GYN and talk to her about what is going on in my reproduction organs.  Anyway, he said that the pain is a-typical.  Pain, he has no way to help, because he is sure it is not GYN pain.  Bleeding, we had options.  Well, found out that fibroids can indeed cause chronic back pain.  But so too can kidney stones.  The stone, through three rounds of treatment, is now about 1/3 inch in size.  It has moved from my kidney, and the x-ray techs and I think we see it in my bladder.  No word from urology on that yet.  But I know something is up, as I pee whenever I sneeze.  And just have a general irritated feeling 'down there'.  If the stone is in the kidney and too big to pee out, it looks like I will have another round of energy shock wave treatment.  Woohoo!  Not.  The biopsy and the X-ray all happened on Wednesday.  It is now Tuesday, and I have yet to contact my OB.  Am I nervous?  You betcha!  Too nervous to just go in and talk about what needs to be talked about?  Apparently so.  I am just so fed up with all of this....you would think I would just be rushing out to get it taken care of....so, why aren't I?  Got an e-mail from the OB from last week, and awesome news....no sign of cancer in the biopsy!  YAY!  Maybe that will be the catalyst I need to take action again.  
  

Ok, so I set out to lose 20 pounds, and gain five.  SO NOT COOL!  I want to ask if my food choices last wee were really that bad. The obvious answer is yes, of course they were.  It doesn't help that two days after my work out, I felt like I'd been beat to hell.  I mean really, my whole body ached, I was exhausted...just really horrible fatigue. I couldn't muster the umph to take Little Cat A to school.  If that weren't bad enough, I actually had Tom come home from work early, because I felt that crappy.  Yeesh.  But still it took only four days to gain five pounds.  I still don't know how that happened.  I figured maybe water retention as it's the end of my period...maybe that was it.  So, for the next three days I drank at least three liters of water.  I peed like I haven't peed in a long time.  That helped with a mere pound and a half.  I started taking my vitamins, and iron pill in the morning, along with the extra water through out the day, and my energy level is still deteriorating.  It is not as bad as it was on Wed, of last week, but really my energy is not great.  

So, today, again, I am starting anew.  I did an upper body work out, and would have done a lower body too, except that Little Cat A was in the way, and so I will maybe do that while he is at school.  I also plan on getting on the treadmill today.  Hopefully, by the end of the week, I can lost that other three and a half pounds.    Ooh, maybe the water retention is from the allergy meds?  I'll have to look into that option.  

In other news, we found a box of old Cheerios that had become the breeding ground for bugs.  Hopefully the removal of that will eliminate the little moth thingies.  We were getting about one or two of these bugs a day.  Hopefully...that's done.  

I want energy to clean.  I need energy to clean.  I am hoping that after this week, with regular exercise, my energy will increase and I will be able to scrum the ceiling and walls of my kitchen.  Can't afford to paint, so will try to make it look new with paint.  Oh, and figure out a way to cover the vent thing above the stove.  It's really just a fan that would suck the smoke and grease into the attic.  NOT a good idea, but it is covered in webs that I can't get to from in the kitchen, and I am not crawling around in the attic/crawl space...just ew.  The whole house needs to be de-webbed, and the bathroom also needs painting.  I actually already have the paint for that, started to paint a few years ago, but never finished.  The reason is lame, but oh well.  

On the good side, Liam won a messenger bag from Chrome.  He's been wanting one for a while, but they are not inexpensive.   He found out the give away was happening for the first person who showed up at the place and said a line from a movie.  Liam was the first one!  The bag costs $140 retail.  Can't even tell you how happy he is about that.

I will be going to San Francisco on the 29th to see a Cirque type show.  Friend of mine did the costumes, borrowed my serger for it, and is giving me free tickets as a thank you.  I will be taking Ronnie....would be nice to actually take my husband on a date, but I guess gay men will have to do for now.  Whatever.

OK, so we all know I had weight loss surgery two years ago.  I've lost just about 90 pounds since then.  It should be more.  Or, it could be more.  I spent the better part of last year sick with a relentless UTI that turned out to be caused by a stone the size of a robin's egg in my right kidney.  Man, that sucked!  After two rounds of extracorporial shock wave lithotripsy (ESWL), I still had about half of the stone left.  So, they went inside my urinary system and blasted it with a laser.  Then they left in a stent that would hold open the tubes allowing crumbs to pass with more ease.  That thing was HORRIBLY painful.  I was ever so grateful when THAT was removed.  Anyway, that took me to late October of last year.  I wanted to get back into working out and eating healthy, but stress and depression got in my way big time.  Then on my 40th birthday, a friend gave me a gift certificate to ifly.  It's and indoor skydiving place.  You get dressed up in their jumpsuit thing, slap on goggles and a helmet and then after some training, step into the chamber with a huge fan under the grated floor.  The force of air from that fan simulates the air you'd be passing through as though you had jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.  Anyway, earlier last year, ta friend of mine had done the real thing.  He just showed up at this tiny airfield somewhere, handed over some money, and they gave him some instructions, a parachute, and a tandem partner, and he jumped from the plane.  Said it was life changing.  I can only imagine.  If I didn't have kids I MIGHT be able to do that...but not entirely sure.  I KNOW I would never do that now.  Anyway, I really really want to go to ifly and do this.  Tom isn't too keen on doing this with me I think.  So, I'll have to figure something out.  Anyway....I still weigh over 200 pounds.  The weight limit for ifly is 250 lbs.  I am definitely well below that, but I really REALLy want to get under 200.  So, here's my idea.  I have 16 pounds to lose to get below 200.  If I want to feel comfortably (permanently) below 200, I should lose 20.  That would give me a PMS bloating cushion.  I am going to try to get diligent about working out and eating right, and when I lose those 20 pounds, I'm rewarding myself with a trip to the bay area to float above a huge fan.  I did my upper body weight lifting workout yesterday for the first time in a LOOOOONG time.  My armpits, chest, arms, and shoulders can attest to that fact.  Today is supposed to be aerobic. Usually I run on the treadmill, but I'm a little achey from the monthly female crap...so I think I will go for a bike ride after taking Little Cat A to school.  I really want/need a bike lock for that thing.  It would be nice to be able to take my bike the one mile to the store for a loaf of bread, instead of driving.  A couple weeks ago, Big Cat L and I rode our bikes to the hair cutting place so he could get his hair cut. (He has a lock that he used on both bikes).  It was nice!  We'd also gone riding through the neighborhood earlier in the day.  Between the getting outside, the exercising, and the spending time with my kid.....it was a good day.  Anyway, so there ya go.  My challenge for myself is to be good to me and get healthy.  Lose the weight, eat right, and then FLY (sort of).  I hope to also be more diligent about posting about this journey here on LJ.  I hope that it will keep me more focused on doing what I need to do.  And just in general, this is a good place to vent and talk, and such......

Thanks for listening.

K 

 So, I guess I didn't get purged!  Cool!  Not that I have the time or thought to post anything significant.....but I'm still here!

Things are crazy.  I have found so many people on facebook, including the first fag to my hag.  It has been most supreme catching up with him and all his follies. 

I have finally been diagnosed with a stone about an inch in diameter in my right kidney.  That will get shock wave pulverization hopefully very very soon.  And hopefully not before the luau at Fly Boy Jon and Magical Molly's.  That would suck.  I am really looking forward to that...I'm also hoping to spend some time with other friends while down that way.

Next week, I might be having lunch with an old friend from middle school.  Speaking of middle school, Liam just graduated 8th grade and is now a freshman in high school.  Where's my walker?  I'm so very proud of all the great work his done in school.  And how he made it through these last two years without a sever breakdown.

I want to write more...but I can't stay at the computer too long......


Catch y'all in not too long I hope.

K

I am doing a happy dance because a thorn in my side for the past.....20+ years, just might get his act together and leave me alone.  He's joined the Army.  And he thinks that when he's done with his Basic and Advanced training, he'll have a staff of about 30 people below him working some kind of IT thing.  I seriously have my doubts.  Not only in the Army really doing that, but in his ability to have 30 people respect him enough to consider him a boss.  He's an ass, he's arrogant, he's rude, he's foul minded.  The only thing he has going for him in the military setting is being a little OCD, and cussing. 

I say Good Luck, and Good Riddance!

"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after."
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Gift from the Sea)

I've been in a funk lately.  I know, not news to anyone.  But tonight, I had the opportunity to go visit a friend and just talk.  No need to interrupt the conversation to see if the toddler needed to go potty.  No lame ass TV show to distract.  No teenager coming out to talk about some weird fact about some weird band like Rise Against. (Love you Liam).  I left a little after 8pm, and got home about a quarter to midnight.  My friend is into theater and also a teacher.  We talked about both.  About the kids (students) and how heart breaking it is.  How little some of these kids care, how little they are cared about by their family.  We talked about shows and how I miss theater, but how much I don't think I'd be able to do it now.  Though, I still sometimes think about going into tech work around town.

I had a great time with my fiends.  But I am glad to be home.  Even though it is after one in the morning, and I feel no desire to sleep.  Oh well....


See y'all later.


I don't know why this didn't post when I told it to....
Bummer.

I wish I didn't care.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have the balls my sister says I got her share of. 

I'm out doing something innocent like signing my child up for his HISP classes at the local high school, and what do I see?  Someone standing out on the sidewalk in front of the school with a big poster of an aborted fetus.  The image was graphic and disturbing, and situated so that the students saw it as soon as they came out of the school.  I was going to just ignore it, let it go, free speech and all that.  But, I couldn't.  That image was so disturbing, I just didn't see how he could justify accosting young people with such images.  We as a nation are offended (at times) by women nursing their children in public.  We can't (couldn't for a very long time) show soldier's coffins in the media as the bodies were brought home to lay to rest, but we can show a fetus with it's intestines splayed on the tray next to it.  And, we can do this in front of a school where most of the kids can't 'legally' see a rated R movie.  What the hell is wrong with society?  So, I asked him why he thought it was ok to accost the students with such disturbing images.  He kept asking if I was post abortive.  When I asked what he meant, he clarified by asking if I'd had an abortion. I told him that the argument was not about me, but about giving young people nightmares.  Again he asked me his question.  Again, I insisted the answer was not pertinant to the conversation and asked if he could at least admit that it was a disturbing image.  He could.  So I asked why place it where people have little choice but to see it.  He asked why would I want people to do this to four thousand children a day.  I said, I don't.  I would rather the need for abortion be eliminated, but that didn't seem to matter to him.  I said, "You'd rather stir controversy, and give children nightmares."  He replied with "You wouldn't have nightmares if you'd let Jesus heal you!"  As I walked away saying "He healed me a long time ago"  I basically walked straight into the school and asked someone in the office if it was OK that a man with an image of an aborted fetus was hanging out in front of the school.  Security checked out the situation, but because the man was an inch off campus, he was on public property, and thus the school could say nothing about it.  The security guys appologized to me in the "sorry we can't do anything...wish we could" kind of way.  I really appreciated them.    I wish I could have just stood infront of the poster to block the kids view.  I had my three year old with me, so I didn't want to go too far with it.  When I saw another guy handing pamphlets to students...I yelled "It's anti-choice propaganda...just so you know"  I am sure my 14 year old is glad he wasn't with me.  

I got riled up, but then I kind of went blank.  I an trying to get that image out of my head.  It's disgusting, and disturbing, and I know that is what they wanted.  They weren't interested in the truth as much as they are scaring people into their way of thinking.  URG. 

I was riled up for quite some time, then I kind of when numb.  Comfortably numb?  Maybe.  But, just.........blech......
 

 

Kathryn